Loving Humans
by MinionMooskateerAckleholic
Summary: Gabriel is back and has been for awhile. He knows everything, even about Purgatory and Benny. He also knows that Castiel is in love with Dean and Dean is denying the same attraction. Gabriel on the other hand cannot quite work out his own feeling for the largest Winchester. Super smutty in later chapters. Hilarious Sabriel and Destiel moments, please enjoy! Gabriel/Sam. Dean/Cas


As soon as Gabriel appeared, a ring of bright orange flames sprung up around him and he sighed slightly, rubbing a hand over his eyes in disgust.

"Okay fellas! Without even opening my eyes I'll say…Hellooooo Winchesters' and most likely Cas, their favourite pet. How am I doin' so far?"

"Cut the wise cracks, unless you want your wings crispy-fried," Dean said emerging from the shadows, flanked by the enormous Sam and a silent figure that lurked just out of sight. Castiel. Gabriel laughed and stuck his middle finger lazily up at Dean.

"You only want me to stop my wise cracks, because yours are so lame. You already used the 'crispy-fried' thing on Balthazar." Gabriel paused as he watched Dean's fists clench, "Look man, if you wanna go write some original stuff, by all means go, I'll wait!"

"P_izin Noco Iad!_" Dean chanted in Enochian, pointing to Gabriel and the angel howled in agony, doubling over and clenching his stomach as invisible flames licked at his gut. The archangel glared up at Dean and saw the shadow of Cas shift uncomfortably.

"Have you been teaching you boyfriend a little bit of Enochian, Cas? Ooohhh, that's very naughty! Tut! Tut!" Gabriel, despite his mocking tone was actually genuinely angry at Cas for being so devoted to the humans and Cas could feel the other angel's rage, even beneath his comedic air.

"Just shut up, Gabriel." Sam growled angrily, his hair covering his face just enough so that Gabriel could only see the shine of his chestnut eyes. Something about the tall man made Gabriel tingle slightly and despite Sam being only human, Gabriel did stop talking and just stood quietly staring at the three figures.

"Tell us how you survived, after we thought Lucifer killed you." Dean ordered, trying to ignore the way everyone always listened to Sam and not him. _Was it the hair? Or was it because they were intimidated by Sam's size? Meh! Never mind Sam…well it was Sam._ Gabriel grinned and scratched his chin theatrically.

"Short answer…I'm awesome, slightly longer answer…it's none of your business. Now my turn to grill! You put Lucy back in his box! All thanks to my DVD, of course. I like _Casa _Erotica! Sammy! Lost your soul, got it back! Heard Crowleys' alive and kicking. Freaking dick that one. Why didn't you kill him? Leviathan? Tough gig boys, well done! Sam, heard you hit a dog! How original and…Dean…Cas, how was purgatory? By the way, boys, the Trans' are looking for you and leaving Mrs Tran with Garth was like letting your blind old grandmother look after a fucking dragon! Cas, I also heard you are a hunter now…okay…almost forgot Dean, how's Benny doing?"

"You _are_ well informed aren't you, Sherlock Holmes?" Dean said sarcastically, absently flicking the Bick on his lighter back and forward as he began to grow tired of Gabriel's smart-assed behaviour, but wondering too how the angel knew so much detail on their lives. The two angels and Dean all noticed Sam's angry snort at the mention of Benny's name. Dean ground his teeth quietly. _Fucking stubborn headed little brother. _"How do you know all that shit?" Dean asked finally, when Gabriel still stayed quiet.

"Well I haven't exactly been dead the whole time…just been avoiding you guys." Gabriel explained vaguely, waving his hand in the general direction of the three men. "We may have parted as _friends, _but you still kinda hate me because I kicked your asses…repeatedly. Sam's I didn't mind kicking, nice butt Sammy, anyway…I thought it best to keep a low profile for a while…"

"Yeah, three years, you dick." Dean hissed, but he was interrupted.

"You talk too much." Growled Cas in his gravelly voice. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"And _you_ are a freak that fell in love with a human." Gabriel threw nastily back. Dean stepped forward angrily, brandishing a bottle full of holy oil.

"Shut the fuck up, Gabriel!" Dean said dangerously, "Leave Castiel alone and don't make up stupid lies."

"Don't play innocent Dean, it's you he's in love with and it's pretty obvious too!" Gabriel said, realising too late that that may have been a step too far, even for himself. Dean stopped and turned to Cas, but Cas had zapped away, leaving only a leaf that settled back to the concrete slowly.

"You complete and utter dick with wings! It nearly kills him to use his mojo and you made him do it! Fuck you!" Dean yelled, unstoppering the holy oil in his fury, he was just about to throw the oil at Gabriel, when Sam, ever rational, caught his arm.

"Don't, Dean, he may be a dick, but we need to know how he is alive."

"Why _do_ you need to know that anyway?" Gabriel asked, suddenly curious.

"It's never good when someone who was supposed to be dead is suddenly alive. It very rarely means sunshine and booze." Sam said, still holding Dean back. Gabriel nodded, understanding and then sat down and stretched his legs out in front of him.

"I can't even look at this bastard anymore. I'll wait with Baby." Dean said to Sam and started to leave the warehouse.

"Is that your car or Castiel? Never did understand which." Gabriel called mockingly after him; Dean stopped still for a second and then kept walking, his hands clenched into fists and his shoulders hunched. When the slam of the warehouse door had ceased to echo, Gabriel turned to Sam, who stood still cloaked in shadow, holy oil and lighter in hand, looking more ominous than he was because of him size. The thought of being _alone _with Sam, brought back the tingle that Gabriel couldn't really explain, even to himself.

"Okay, big boy! What have you got?" Gabriel demanded, lying back and putting his hands under his head. Sam stepped forward into the light and shook his hair of his face. He really was beautiful and Gabriel had to admit that his whole body was perfect. Not Dean perfect, in that he knows it and shows it, 'I'm amazing, let's fuck' way, but in the 'I'm a working man, who has seen shit and just happen to be incredibly attractive' way.

"Would you please just tell me how you are alive, Gabriel, it would make my life easier…your too as a matter of fact." Sam murmured in his low, caring voice, with an undertone of menace.

"Newsflash moose! That's your nickname right? I am not here to make your life easy!" Gabriel said, raising his head slightly to look at Sam stomach through his tight t-shirt. "So…nahhh, I ain't gonna tell you squat."

Sam sighed and put down the oil and the lighter, a move that surprised even Gabriel. "What do I have to do to get you to talk, with having to hurt you?" Sam asked. When Gabriel thought about Sam hurting him the tingles grew even stronger and they centred in a very specific part of the angel's anatomy. _What the hell was going on with him today? Why Sam? Gabriel knew Castiel was bi, In fact most angels were, but he had never had these kinds of feeling for a man. Especially not a man he should hate._

Sam repeated his question, sounding sightly frustrated and Gabriel's eyes twinkled with mischief. "We could do it the crossroads way! Give me a kiss and I'll tell you anything!"

"Be serious!" Sam said, wishing Gabriel had not stirred up the very secret feelings he had been suppressing for so long.

"I am serious." Gabriel said, "I mean if you want to give me more than a kiss…"

"Shut up, Gabriel. I'm not kissing you." Sam said, blushing visibly. Gabriel began to feel uncomfortable with the tingles, so he sat up and brought his knees up to his chest to hide the gradual movement that would soon become obvious.

"So zen 'urt me, big boy!" Gabriel said in a breathy French accent, regaining his confidence as Sam blushed even harder, " 'Urt me till I scream!"

"Just tell me, or I will leave you here." Sam said, refusing to play along. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"So if I tell you will you let me out?"

"Yes."

"Okay, fine! Long story short, when angels die they go back to heaven, but they are like in a separate part of heaven, sorta like…a retirement village. No other angels go in except Joshua. Who you've, met and no one comes out, except Joshua. So I'm up there right and it's all lazy, lollipops and ladies, then Joshua shows up, says God told him I shouldn't be dead and I have to go with him. Then just like that _zap! _I'm back on earth and I only been dead like three months. You guy stopped Lucifer and everything was cranking up the shits for a different kind of Armageddon."

When he finished Sam nodded once and then turned and walked out of the huge warehouse, listening to Gabriel angry yells, as he shut the passenger door of the Impala and Dean drove away. He told Dean what Gabriel had said and Dean frowned unsure what to think.

"Have you seen Cas?" Sam asked after five minutes of silence. Dean shook his head roughly and Sam could see the worry in Dean's eyes as he drove faster. The eldest Winchester was desperate to return to their motel to see if Cas had zapped there. "Have you tried calling him?" Sam asked, trying not to sound like he was nagging.

"YES I HAVE, SAM, NOW, JUST PLEASE SHUT UP!" Dean yelled suddenly, making Sam jump. After that they didn't speak again, Sam sat doing his usual sulky brooding that he did after an argument and Dean stared straight ahead, determined not to think about what Gabriel had said.


End file.
